


Fly Me Friendly

by CheekyBeckett (SheppardMcKay)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-10
Updated: 2012-10-10
Packaged: 2017-11-16 01:46:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheppardMcKay/pseuds/CheekyBeckett
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You have got to be kidding me, Rodney."</p><p>"Nope, sorry Colonel." McKay looked at the thing with extreme distaste. "I wish I was."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fly Me Friendly

**Author's Note:**

  * For [taris_eirein](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=taris_eirein).



> I promised this to her months ago. It's a little late. Based on an idea of hers.

In the otherwise deserted Jumper Bay, two voices could be heard echoing off the cavernous metal walls.

"You have got to be kidding me, Rodney."

"Nope, sorry Colonel." McKay looked at the thing with extreme distaste. "I wish I was." 

They both gazed at the little black gizmo McKay had laid on the Jumper's console.

"The SGC seriously wants us to test out some kind of talking GPS thing in the Jumpers? What the hell?" 

"Sheppard, don't you ever read your incoming e-mails? There've been several about this over the last few months."

Sheppard shifted in the pilot's seat. "I try to avoid the sciencey crap. You'll eventually tell me anyway. In exhausting detail." 

McKay shot him a glare. "Sciencey crap? First, trying using an actual word and not some made up jibbering." 

Sheppard opened his mouth but McKay cut him off.

"Second, it's not crap. Well, this is most definitely crap but normally it's not. And  I can't help it if I have to pound explanations into your Cro-Magnon brain over and over. Maybe if you ever paid attention the first time I wouldn't have to." 

"Skip your daily dose of happy pills there today, Rodney?" Sheppard retorted. For the millionth time he wished the forward Jumper seats twirled. They rotated of course but you couldn't get a good spin out of them like you could some of the lab stools. It was fun and it never failed to incredibly irritate McKay when he got all puffed up with some long winded explanation that John was absolutely not interested in or had no hope of following along intelligently. So he twirled, Rodney called him a five year old, and things got less boring for awhile.

"Shut up, Sheppard. You're just angsty because you don't want this on your precious Jumpers. And you can calm down. It's not for "real" pilots, anyway." Rodney made the air quotes with his fingers. "It's mostly for help training the civilian gene carriers with no flight experience. You always growl about having to teach absolute newbs who don't know right from left anyway so what are you whining about?" 

Sheppard snorted. "I taught you, didn't I?" 

Rodney barely refrained from sticking his tongue out at Sheppard. "Yes, and you were so pleasant about it. Snapping and barking out orders."

"First," Sheppard said, holding up a finger, "Military here."  McKay rolled his eyes and opened his mouth. "Second," Sheppard said louder, cutting Rodney off at the pass, "Pot. Kettle. Black." McKay glowered at him but didn't respond.

"Rodney, you and I both know how stupid this is. You don't need a GPS in a Jumper. It's like putting a bicycle horn on a Ferrari."

"Yes, yes, but it's more the talking aspect for, I say again, the civilian pilots with little or no experience. They figure it'll calm down some of the more nervous nellies when interacting with Ancient tech."

Sheppard knit his brows together in suspicion. "Calm down? Wait. McKay, have any of your people been complaining to the SGC?"

 Rodney wouldn't look at him. "Um. Maybe?"

"McKay!"

"Well we can't all be hot shot fighter pilots now can we, Colonel? And, you know, some of the, um... instructors... can be a little short with some of the more stupid students." 

"I knew it."

"What? 

"They were complaining about YOU, weren't they?" 

 McKay gave an imperious sniff. "It isn't my fault they're too dumb to fly." 

"Rodney, you were one of the worst people I have ever instructed when we started." 

"I got better!"

Sheppard shook his head. "Ok, we're getting off the subject here. So, we have these things but they're just for instruction, yeah? I suppose I can live with it. As long as I don't have to have one." He flipped a pen from his pocket towards McKay.

He expected an indignant yelp but for some reason Rodney looked like the cat who ate the canary.

"You uh, might want one when you hear who they got to be the voice for the system. "

John turned slowly in his seat.

"Who they got? What do you mean? Like, are we talking someone famous?" 

Rodney gave a half grin and gathered himself up as if to leave.

"You're right though, it's a travesty to your superior sensibilities. Far be it from me to insult your little pilot feelings."

"Rodney..."

"Yes?"

"Tell me before I go get a lemon from the commisary." 

Rodney pointed at him. "Those are banned and you know it. Also, not funny."

"Who did they get?"

"Charlize Theron." 

Charlize Theron.  John loved Charlize Theron. John had watched Aeon Flux so many times that if Rodney walked in and saw the cover next to his laptop on movie night he walked right back out. He practically squealed like a little girl when they got an advanced copy of her in Prometheus.  

Charlize Theron. He loved her.

"I love her," John said stupidly.

"Yeah, I know. Don't say I never did anything for you."

"What do you have to do with it? And how did the SGC get her for something like that? I saw the dummy script for some of the directional comments in the report you just showed me. They talk about the Jumper controls. That's all classified."

"I may have made a suggestion that this might help things go over better with our military leader and General O'Neill may have possibly got wind of it and being vastly amused, pushed it through. I believe they told her it was a rough draft of a script for a video game in development. They wanted her voice to flesh out possible characterizations. I'm told she liked it. And she was paid well."

"They didn't..."

"Video tape the session? Oh yeah. I got them to send us a copy."

"You. Are the best friend. Ever."

"I know. And the ladies are going to be thanking me as well. We got a male voice too."

"Who?"

"Daniel Craig." 

"James Bond?!"  Sheppard's mouth dropped. "Shut up." 

"Yeah, I thought you'd like that too." McKay frowned. "I wanted Christian Bale but he refused to use the Batman voice."

Sheppard whipped around to face forward and started hitting the controls, closing the hatch and preparing for departure.

"Sheppard, what are you doing?" 

"Plug that sucker in and fire it up, Rodney. We're taking it for a test drive."

Rodney laughed and started connecting wires. 

"Ok, but no stunt flying to impress Charlize. I still have flashbacks of us in the 302." 

Sheppard grinned slyly as the engine engaged. "Trust me, would you?" 


End file.
